Hello everyone. Welcome to Friday. You made it to the weekend. Congratulations. I have a treat for you all: Taco Bell’s 2024 Live Mas Event. What is that? This is basically a Tako Bell mini-E3 is complete with musical acts, announcements, and all the embarrassing moments you’d expect from something like this. Yep, if you guessed this would be some weird, late-capitalist fever dream, you’d be right.
I had no idea this was happening until someone on Twitter started tweeting about it. I immediately stopped everything and started watching.
The event started with the CEO of Taco Bell coming out and talking about how great the fast food chain is and how everyone can enjoy their giant tacos and burritos. To explain this, He pointed to a tweet that I’m 98% sure was a joke and it wasn’t intended to be taken seriously by anyone, least of all the guy who runs Taco Bell. He called Taco Bell “the last great melting pot of class in this country.”
It got a little more fluff after that, and I’ll be honest with you all: If you came to this event looking for big news about the Baja Explosion or what’s next on Taco Bell’s menu, you’re probably a little disappointed by all the fluff. Crammed into this Ubisoft conference circa 2015.
At one point, someone started giving out prizes to people for best menu trick and best Taco Bell wedding. The entire event was then stopped for a few minutes. two men playing acoustic music. They sounded good, but footage of the crowd (including a man’s hat with “Wet Dreams Surf Club” written on it) showed that the room wasn’t quite in tune with the vibe and just wanted to know what new feature Taco Bell had. was falling.
Finally, after a journey of about 30 minutes…Anyway Taylor Montgomery, Taco Bell’s marketing manager, arrived to deliver Taco Bell product news to raucous applause and cheers. News: Taco Bell wants and plans to make its popular nacho fries permanent menu items. But they are still trying to “figure out” how this happened. Ok my love…
After this he gave us a drop of shadow (just like Hi-Fi Speed At Xbox Developer Direct!) is announcing a new “Cheesy Chicken Crispanda” with shredded cheese and chicken filling. Folks held their breath when he confirmed that this new menu item would be available nationwide next week (he wasn’t kidding).
He then announced that Taco Bell was bringing chicken nuggets to the menu. Seeing these fried chicken pieces, someone in the crowd said, “No way!” yell. Montgomery immediately replied: “Yes, absolutely! Whoever said ‘no’, YES girl!”
Later, After a few air horns, Montgomery revealed a new “very limited time” product: Baja Blast ice cream. It is planned to be launched this summer. At this point I assume at least one person in the audience fainted from the Taco Bell news. It was just too much.
And as for you sauce packet perverts, Taco Bell knows you’re tired of boring old packets. We’re replacing them this year and got our first look at the new ones. Exciting stuff, folks. I’m shaking.
But Taco Bell isn’t done. No. After all this, Montgomery showed a picture of a Crunchwrap and said, “It looks like a regular Crunchwrap, right?” said. Guys, this is your first clue that this guy is about to fool you all. And he did. Apparently this wasn’t a regular Crunchwrap (GASP!) but actually contained a giant Cheez-It.
“Ooohhhhhh!!” Many people in the audience left. “Waahhhh!” Someone else shouted at this statement.
“I present to you: Cheez-It Crunchwrap!” More cheering followed. According to Montgomery, this new product will be available at every Taco Bell this summer. The event then ended with a rap break.
Enjoy your weekend, folks, and don’t forget Live Mas!
.
